Philippians is such a great section of scripture that really speaks to me with certain verses. Yesterday I included no specific verse discussions, but rather focused on Paul’s character and the strength of his faith while connecting his words to my own life. Today is all about God’s specific words, breathed through Paul and my own connection that I gain through it. I am writing this more for my own benefit to sort out my own thoughts than for any other reason.
[disclaimer: all quotes are from Philippians]
“For to me, living is for Christ, and dying is even better. Yet if I live, that means fruitful service for Christ. I really don't know which is better. I'm torn between two desires: Sometimes I want to live, and sometimes I long to go and be with Christ. That would be far better for me, but it is better for you that I live.” 1:21-24
Let us remember that Paul is in prison; a horrible place with poor conditions I am sure. These verses speak to me because they sound slightly suicidal. Even though Paul sounds so morbid for a second, he brings the focus on God and Christ. He would only want to be at the end his life in order to be with Jesus in Heaven and yet he still endures so that he can continue to serve Christ in his life on earth through his ministry and his own suffering as an example to fellow Christians.
My own life story has a point in it where I was not far off from Paul’s place. Life was not going well in my opinion at the time and I felt no need to endure in this life anymore. I would be lost in despair and occasionally I would have suicidal thoughts. I would think that all I had to do was drown myself in the lake or cut my throat and it would all be over. I knew the thoughts were stupid and yet they continued to plague me. As I look back on it now I know that those idiotic thoughts were part of God’s plan, but at the time I was lost to the darker side of life and didn’t believe that God existed.
God wanted me to get to that low point because even though I didn’t believe in Him at the time, he was still there and kept me from acting on my stupid impulses. At the time I called that voice in the back of my head my conscious that was stopping me from doing something completely reckless. Now that I have been reborn, I realize that it was really God guiding me out of that miserable part of my life and towards Him. I thank God for that time because without that low point I would not have thought God to be able to work miracles in my life. Without the passing of my beloved, strongly Christian Grandmother, I might not have ever returned to weekly church attendance. I am such a different person now because in this new life, I am living for God, not myself and not society.
Paul writes more on the strength Jesus gives him and I share in this strength because of my faithfulness
“Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.” 4:11-13
I live on the same strength gained through Christ that Paul did, yet when it comes to having plenty or little, I have not experienced the little. Paul went from being a well known Pharisee to a low life prisoner and yet he knows how to endure and make his life for God in both situations. In my life, my parents have provided abundantly and though I am not as rich as other Americans out there, I know that my finances are stable, my home rather large, and my material possessions numerous. I have so much in this physical world, yet they do not bring me happiness anywhere near the happiness that coming to know God has brought me. I am not a materialistic person, but I still have so much I don’t need and so much that could be given to those who have little. I hope that with the strength of Christ, I can remove the burden that material possessions put on my soul and let God into those spots that possessions currently hold.
I still have a few more verses I want to review (I know, I go on tangents, but they are what I need to write) and so tomorrow will have another verse centered theme as well.
God bless.
Peace ~ Pyung Ahn ~ Shalom
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