I know I’ve been posting every day and then I disappeared for a week…. And I have no real good excuse. Between obligations to family, my birthday (19… not that exciting), skiing, getting caught up in youtube and reading my bible, I just never got around to writing. Oh, and DDR is very addictive as well. I’m glad my dorm room doesn’t have it or I would get nothing done (good workout though). Youtube is an awesome place to find videos of sermons and hear inspirational stories from Christians, who genuinely love Jesus. I won’t go into detail about everything I have learned lately, as I could babble on and on.
I would like to stress, however, that accepting Jesus with my whole heart and surrendering my life to Him is the only reason this blog even exists. Jesus has changed my heart from one inclined to live in sin before, especially lusts, to one that turns away from sin. Not only have I lost those lusts, but when they do creep in, I have the strength to fight them that only God can grace me with. God is my strength, my morals, my LIFE. I feel less lazy than I was over the spring and summer when I did not truly know Jesus. I feel so much happier than before surrendering my life. Jesus bears the burdens of my life and lets me walk without those big weights on my shoulders. When I sin and am so compelled to repent, to the point of helpless begging to God, I ‘hear’ Jesus telling me my sins are forgiven because of his sacrifice on the cross. I may not physically hear Him, but I just know He is there and looking out for me. If the Holy Spirit truly does live in me, then maybe what I used to call my subconscious is really the Holy Spirit, telling me truth and teaching me to walk the right path, the path that leads to God’s kingdom.
I must admit I have been lax in my prayers and even in reading my bible for a few days. I would start to pray late at night and so many pointless thoughts were on my mind that I would just pray by saying “God, you know what I should pray for and my mind is to busy to sort them out. Bless those who need blessings and help me get some sleep” and I would drift into thoughts even without an ‘amen’. How foolish I am! I had trouble sleeping those nights because I wasn’t properly worshiping God and the worries on my mind were too much to disappear and let me sleep.
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
I can be so idiotic at times for forgetting things like this. I love this particular verse and yet even though I thought of it briefly at one point, I chose to ignore its advice and continue to preoccupy my mind with trivial thoughts.
What are these thoughts that overwhelm my mind to the point of trouble sleeping? Again I say I am foolish, for I was worrying about a distant future. What will I major in, what does God want me to do, how can I live for god with my future career, would transferring schools be necessary depending on my choice, should I go into ministry, can I handle a career focused on the church? So many thoughts centered on a future that is still undecided and one only God knows. If some branch of religious study or ministry is where God wants me, then God will tell me in His own way at His own time. If ministry is just a subplot in my life on earth, then the real focus my life will take will reveal itself in due time as well.
I am in need of fellowship and focus, as when stuck at home during winter break, I am separated from a church body and there is only so much I can understand and stay focused on with only my will power and Jesus’ guidance if I turn to Him. I feel a need to take tomorrow and make it an electronic free day. Tomorrow the laptop and TV is staying off, even the DDR mat will be put away and my time will be spent doing chores, reading God’s word, reading other Christian books, and praying. No more distractions to keep me separated form God, as I need Him and Jesus back in my life. I have been distant for the past week and it is time I refocus and reconnect.
God bless you and I sincerely hope you love Jesus, as his love is something I wish everyone would know.
Peace ~ Pyung Ahn ~ Shalom
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